This weekend I had a serious realization. Over the course of the Thanksgiving break, while most of you were stuffing yourselves into a deep slumber, I was up all night.
I got into an argument with my boyfriend and one of my instincts after the fight was to call it quits. I kept thinking in my head “what if I’m making the same mistake as past relationships?” and “what if I regret this relationship later?” I called a close friend to vent, something that I don’t do often.
After I explained to her my worries about possibly making a mistake and potentially wasting a year plus of my life, she said something really smart. She told me that I could feel that way about literally anything. I could wake up in ten years and regret the college we both attended, for example. And this was absolutely true. I could also wake up ten years from now and be pissed that I was single and ruined a great relationship.
It’s easy to be afraid of love because accepting love equals pure vulnerability. Vulnerability means you’re at the mercy of your partner to get hurt. It can come today or it can come 50 years from now with 4 kids, a house, and a grandkid or two. Your partner could decide your morning eye boogers and goofy laugh suddenly gets on their nerves. However, what I learned this weekend , is if I continue thinking like this I’ll definitely end up alone. At a certain point you have to allow yourself to love when you find someone who deserves it.
So, I made a conscious decision to be vulnerable with my boyfriend because he’s amazing, I love him, and he deserves it. See, I’m doing great already.
My first step in this vulnerability journey is being honest. Sure, it’s only been a few days since I embarked on this path, but the other day I felt like I needed affection. And yes, I’m not afraid to admit that I craved affection. We all do. You know it, so go get it if you need it. Anyway, instead of wallowing in self pity and analyzing how pathetic I was for needing external acceptance I asked my boyfriend how much he loves me. Note: I am not that annoying girlfriend who asks 1000x a day, but I’m entitled to ask every now and then. His response was “more than you can imagine” and that was literally all I needed. My whole mood changed, a smile formed on my face, butterflies fluttered in my stomach, birds starting chirping, and K-Ci & JoJo started playing- I kid you not. In turn, I told him how much I appreciated him.
It’s that simple. I truly think it’s important to be able to tell you partner absolutely anything. The thought of sounding needy shouldn’t matter to the right person because you can be vulnerable with someone who loves you for you. That’s the point.
Tell your significant other you love them (if you do.) If you’re single, open up to people more. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, give that person 100% of you. If they like it, you’re welcome and let me know how the relationship progresses. If they don’t like you opening up to them that’s great too! It will save the both of you plenty of time and allow you to find someone who will love you for you. I promise they’re out there.
Image Credit: Giphy.com