To me black love means self-love. Loving who you are-your skin, culture, history, etc. is what makes us individuals.
I don’t know about y’all but the subject of love, relationships, human interaction, etc. intrigues me. I’ll admit, I love to sit and watch couples and come up with scenarios about how they met. If I see a couple arguing, it’s a guilty pleasure to dissect the situation and read into what I think could be the reason for the neck rolls, fingers in the face, and side eyes. At the same time, I enjoy watching couples walk by holding hands, laughing together, feeding one another Alfredo (in a non-creepy way.) What can I say, I’m a hopeless romantic.
With that being said, I’ve always wanted to share my personal experiences dealing with relationships as well as dwell into the love lives of others and understand why we love the way we do. Therefore, what better way to understand how we love than with an interview from non-other than The Boyfriends! YAY for boyfriends!
Pa’Reesha (you can check out some of her articles soon) and myself have both been in relationships for about a year and a half. I’ve known my poophead (I’m sure he’s cringing reading this), Doug, since I was 15. However, due to my teenage ego I successfully kept him in the friendzone until August 2015. Pa’Reesha met her boo online before she moved to Texas. When she was scoping out a place to live in May 2015 she met Sam and immediately knew he was bae. With us both in relationships with black men during Black History month weeks after Valentine’s Day, I figure this would be a great way to close out the month and sneak in an interview about Black Love.
Here it goes!
What does Black love mean to you?
S: To me black love means self-love. Loving who you are-your skin, culture, history, etc. is what makes us individuals.
D: Black love, to me, is a love and celebration of all things black. It’s not necessarily a romantic love all the time, but represents a level of connection with what it means to be black in a world that tears down and shames blackness. Black people, no matter who you are or where you come from, have a level of connection with each other that goes without saying. Black love is that head nod when the other black person walks in the room. Black love is that hot plate at the soul food spot you’ve never been too, but know it’s about to be fire because all the other black people you know told you to try it out. Black love is that look you give each other when someone says the same ignorant shit that you’ve heard one too many times before. Black love is timeless. Black love is boundless.
Black love is timeless. Black love is boundless.
Would you consider yourself more attracted to Black women? Why or why not?
S: Not just black women alone because women in general are attractive. I don’t believe people should limit themselves to just one race of people.
D: Yes, I’m generally more attracted to black women than women of other races. I think it’s because, as a black man, I see a part of myself in black women. Black women have an understanding of black men that no other woman can have. The shared experience and perspective allows for a deeper connection than one based on personality/physical traits.
What are your thoughts on a Black man who strictly dates outside of his race?
S: That guy doesn’t seem to appreciate the beauty in himself. It boils down to self-love. He doesn’t see the beauty in his own shade and the colors that we come in. I see some guys who tend to use negative stereotypes of nagging black women and them always being bitter.
D: Black men who refuse to date black women definitely have some trouble accepting who they are. I’ve heard some black men say they would not date black women based on some set of stereotypical traits, and it sounds dumber every time. The struggles that black Americans face can easily lead to self-hate and confusion of identity, so in my opinion, black men who refuse to date black women hate themselves on a deep level.
Where do you see Black love headed in the future?
S: It’s become a lot better in our generation. I use the Obamas as an example especially for our generation who has a mind of its own. We can’t really follow the stigma in the media. We have to love each other as well as love other people. Also, some people can’t date someone outside of their own race because of cultural differences and there’s always a level of understanding within your own culture. Therefore, I think it’s hard not to fall in love with someone who has the same cultural views as yourself.
D: In the past couple of years, it seems like black people are finally, as a group, waking up. Whether it’s through seeing the struggles of older generations, increased education and entrepreneurship, or seeing ourselves being exterminated. We seem to finally realize that all we have is ourselves, and there is something inherently beautiful about that. There is nothing better than love between two black people (note that I didn’t say man and woman), who have a shared understanding of where they came from and where they are headed together.
What are the best practices towards embracing/ loving Black women?
S: Treat them like how you want your mom to be treated. Appreciate and treat them with respect and love who they are and how they come.
D: Embracing and loving ourselves as black men, and growing and maturing within ourselves. The problem is that a man cannot love a woman until he loves himself, and vice versa. Pair that with a culture that encourages young men to remain boys forever, and you have a lot of broken black women. The best way for black men to love their black women is to learn to love themselves more than they care about the dumb shit.
What’s some advice you’d give to single Black women?
S: Self-love is one of the most important things for a black women because of how they are viewed. They don’t always get the job or the role because of who they are but don’t let things like that get the best of you. Don’t let it get to you and always know that you are a prize even with the things that you may see as flaws, others find them beautiful and perfect.
D: Be yourself and never settle for less than you deserve, no matter how much you feel that there aren’t enough men out there for you. Work on yourself and the right man will come along. At the same time, have fun and try not to become a cat-lady while you wait. Also, pay attention to the signs bruh, please.
What’s some advice you’d give to Black women in a relationship?
S: Be yourself and never settle for what you think you deserve and whoever you date make sure that it is someone you can see being a role model to your future children.
D: I don’t really have any.
Based off of personal observation, what mistakes do you think Black women commonly make in the dating realm?
S: Settling. Not knowing how to communicate properly. Setting the bar too high and then don’t offer the same level of standard. Not knowing how to appreciate when you’ve found a good man regardless of the package that he may come in.
D: See #6
What attracted you to your current girlfriend?
S: Intelligence. Number one factor then smile and personality. But intelligence was the main aspect.
D: We were friends for 7 years before, so we had a good friendship beforehand. I got the chance to get to know her as a person and see how cool, smart and beautiful she was from a little bit of a distance, and that made me appreciate her more when the time was right.
Hey! I'm Noelle. I'm a LA native and self-proclaimed professional daydreamer. When I'm not working I love to blog, enjoy a good view, design, or nap. I love understanding what motivates people, what discourages them and everything in between. Follow my daydreams @noelledaydream on Instagram.
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